Ein Beitrag der kanadischen Trainerin Raj Gill über Geschäfte auf Gegenseitigkeit
People often ask about how to market yourself as Nonviolent Communication facilitator or Coach? I appreciate the opportunity to share my experience with building “Mutual Relationships” as an alternative to websites and other forms of advertising strategies. Mutual Relationships are based on mutually beneficial exchanges rather than one-way transactions. Mutual Relationships are based on learning to observe and integrate the world through multiple perspectives, not just my own perspective. Mutual Relationships are reciprocal interactions between mentors rather than relationships based on the same person viewed as the “expert” and the others doing the work of learning and implementing. I have come to call this quality of mutuality or reciprocity in relationships getting to “WIN-WYN”: Focused on first understanding, connecting at What I Need – What You Need, and then working on developing strategies that would best serve the Greater Good. Understanding Universal Needs before developing and implementing strategies is crucial whether you are marketing your services, working one-on-one, or working in teams and groups.
I learned about the power of relationships based on mutual exchange from my teacher and mentor Marshall Rosenberg. When I learned the principles of NVC I realized, “I am wasting my time and effort in believing I can change others or control what is happening around me, people will say and do what they want. What I can change is acquire skills for receiving and responding to the world around me.” By learning and integrating the practice of NVC, I as the receiver and interpreter of the information changed. The world didn’t change by me learning and practicing Nonviolent Communication, but how I interpret the world has changed, I see and understand things differently. When someone is judging and blaming or is angry or upset, I see what he/she needs and values rather than thinking they are attacking me or analyzing what is wrong with them or what is wrong with me.
All human beings have the same needs what varies is how people choose to meet those needs – the strategies. Needs don’t fight with each other, however tensions and conflicts arise over the strategies and positions we hold about how we want our needs met. For example, the more single minded we are and the tighter we hold on to our marketing strategies, the higher the anxiety, tension and potential for conflict with the very people we want to serve. So how do we change this? Instead of a furious approach to marketing, get curious and connect at the needs/values level. Keep your focus on Purpose/Principles not Preferences. Practice non-attachment to a specific strategy and let go of “being right” about your position. Build all your relationships based on mutuality. As Marshall Rosenburg used to say, “Connect before you Direct, Empathize before you Educate”
Here is a story from my personal experience with marketing and the power of mutual relationships. When I was a new coach and also new to the practice of NVC, a potential coaching client said to me, “I have no idea what coaches cost, but I want to work with one. I want to change my life, I need help to set some goals and stay on track. How much is this going to cost?”
As I thought about how to respond, I focused first on connecting with her needs and values and with my needs and values. I remembered Marshall’s teachings that it is possible to create opportunities for a fair exchange without creating situations where someone has to submit or rebel. “Submission and Rebellion are not Choices, never give anyone the power to make you submit or rebel.” (Marshall Rosenberg). Submission or rebellion, however successful it might be, is a one-way transaction that keeps the power in one person’s hands. Internally, the one submitting or rebelling becomes preoccupied with not giving in or fighting back rather than focusing on understanding needs. When I am marketing my services, rather than imposing a ‘Yes-No’ expectation about what I should get paid, I can appreciate what I offer as a gift that has value and give the other person a choice in how to respond to the offer. This is what I said to her, ““What I do for my livelihood I believe may be of value to you. What are you joyfully willing to contribute for what I am offering?”
She also thought carefully before replying, “This is a real stretch for me as I do not have much income at the moment, I can afford to pay $20 for two hours of coaching per month and I would like to work with you for three months”
I said that would be fine, while thinking to myself, “Am I really choosing to provide this service for only $10 per hour?”
My coaching client paid me $60.00 for 6 hours of coaching over three months. During the three months, she arrived at every telephone appointment on time, set her goals, took action to achieve them and made the changes she wanted to make in her life. I did not hear from her till six months later when, in the mail, arrived a cheque for $250.00 with a note in which she wrote, “You believed in me and supported me in doing the things I didn’t believe I could do. Now I can afford to pay you a bit more than I was able offer before, thank you.”
I got in touch with her and invited her out for dinner and we celebrated her accomplishment. It was not a celebration for being paid the additional $250.00. It was a celebration of the power of relationships based on mutual exchange, believing in one another, meeting people where they are and understanding multiple perspectives.
Rai Gill hat auch einen Vortrag bei TED-Talk gehalten.